


That Which is Taken Away

by Shi_Toyu



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bot Feels, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Coping, Even Wanda Feels Bad For Tony, Eventual Happy Ending, Guilt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Steve Rogers Makes An Ass of Himself, Team Feels, Team as Family, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2018-11-04 23:10:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shi_Toyu/pseuds/Shi_Toyu
Summary: The name of Tony Stark's soulmate has been stamped across his forearm for as long as he can remember, just as everyone's is... For many years it was a beacon of hope, something to look forward to. Now, though, he would do anything just to have it gone.Takes place mid-Captain America: Civil War.





	1. That Sick Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been working on this for about a year now, privately. I didn't really want to share it because I've mostly been hanging on to it just as a way to work through my own issues. Normally I avoid this kind of topic but... a friend of mine had horrible thought while we were talking soulmate au's and I couldn't get it out of my head. Plus, I lost my job today and just kind of want some other people to suffer with me. Let me know what you think and if you're interested in more. Otherwise I'll just bundle this back into it's hidey-hole and pretend it never existed.
> 
> Based on the prompt:
> 
> "It's not rape if it's your soulmate."

Tony gagged, bile rising and spilling out into the toilet bowl he was crouched over. Shivers wracked his aching body, the cool tiles of the floor unforgiving and hard beneath his bruises. The entire room already smelled like vomit. He was surprised he even had enough left in him to throw up at all. He hadn’t been able to eat more than just a couple bites since they’d found him again. His appetite was gone, much like his ability to sleep. He’d thought he’d finally, _finally_ , exhausted himself to the point where he’d be able to rest dreamlessly, but a quick glance at the clock showed he’d slept less than forty-five minutes before the nightmares woke him and sent him hurtling toward the porcelain throne.

God, who would have thought something like _this_ could happen to _him_? Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist and none of it had stood in the way. Not one bit of it had been enough to stop it from happening.

He slid down further onto the floor, the tiles at least somewhat soothing against his too-hot skin. Sweat stuck his hair to his forehead and trickled down the back of his neck. It cooled quickly, his shivers picking up, and he wrapped his arms tightly around himself even though it did nothing against the cold. His stomach cramped. His body ached. He burned with shame.

Ross didn’t want him going home yet but oh, fuc-oh, well. Tony wasn’t staying in this damned UN facility any longer than he absolutely had to. He was leaving as soon as it was light out, come Hell or high water, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop him. Tony was going to go back to his tower in New York, lock himself on his lab floor with FRIDAY and the bots and never interact with another human being ever again. Well, maybe Rhodey. He might be able to manage video chatting with Happy. He didn’t even want to think about how Pepper was taking the news.

There was no covering up what had happened, Tony knew. He’d been barely conscious when they’d found him, delirious with pain and denial. It wasn’t the most severe pain he’d ever experienced, that prize went to open heart surgery without anesthesia, but by God it was the _worst_. Tony had never felt like that, _still_ felt like that. The media hadn’t caught wind of it yet, so far as he knew, but how long would that last? Tony had been around the block enough to know it was only a matter of time. He knew how this worked. He’d been taken back to the UN detention facility, was being treated in a medical wing technically meant for prisoners just to keep it all in-house. It wouldn’t do any good.

He lay on the floor for a few minutes more before slowly, painstakingly, climbing back to his feet. His legs protested, as did his lower back, and the _ache-ache-ache_ from in between made him feel disgusting. He should have been able to _stop it_. He should have been able to _do something_.

He hadn’t been able to do anything.

Tony half-shuffled and half-stumbled into the shower stall. It was cramped and the water was freezing when he turned it on, but he twisted the handle as far as it would go towards hot and knew from experience it would get there eventually. The bar of soap, a small one like in a hotel, that’d been waiting for him in here was already half-gone. He’d only woken up from the sedatives the previous morning. He wanted to go back to his tower, needed it. He needed his water pressure and his huge shower and his hot tub sized bath and his artisan soap that Pepper got him hooked on and a scrub brush so he could rub himself raw and _get it all off his skin_.

He could feel it, still, even if he couldn’t exactly identify what ‘it’ was. It was on him and inside of him and it leeched into his blood and his bones and he hated it. He just wanted to feel clean again. That’s all he wanted. He wanted to go _home_ and to feel _clean_. Why couldn’t he just feel clean? He rubbed the bar of soap even more vigorously against his already red and tender skin, against the name on his forearm. The bar was gone before he finally stepped out from under the water again.

He made it to 4:47 AM before he couldn’t stand it anymore. There was nothing to grab, since the suit he’d been wearing during Barnes’ escape was evidence now. Well, what was left of it was evidence, just like what was left of his gauntlet watch after Barnes had stripped it completely off his hand and crushed it. Tony would need to make sure he got all the pieces back eventually. Maybe he could ask Natasha to do that. She would do that for him, right? It wasn’t like she could take them to SHIELD anymore. Tony just didn’t want anybody to reverse engineer it.

His bare feet were nearly silent as he crept out into the hallway. It seemed almost wrong that it was still fully-lit. It was too bright. Tony stayed close to the wall as he headed toward the double door that would take him to the main facility, his scrubs crinkling loudly in the silence. His car was still in the parking lot, he was sure. There was no reason for anyone to have moved it. It would be the same one he drove so that he could be there for Barnes’ interrogation. God, how had that really only been less than two days ago?

“Mr. Stark? What are you doing up?”

Tony jerked violently and his legs nearly gave out on him, slamming him into the wall mid-turn. The nurse jumped forward to steady him but Tony threw an arm out to keep her away.

“Don’t touch me,” he snapped, a bit more vehemently than he’d meant to.

She hovered, but didn’t move any closer.

“Are you alright?” she asked instead.

He knew what she really meant was, ‘Why are you out of your room?’ He drew himself up, forcing himself away from the wall and covering up all weakness. He straightened his spine despite its protests and pushed his shoulders back.

“I’m leaving.”

The news startled her, though Tony couldn’t figure out _why_. They couldn’t have really been expecting him to stick around, not with his history. The only reason they got him in this place to begin with was the fact that he was semi-conscious and in shock. He couldn’t say no. _Not that saying no had done him any good._ Tony felt the bile rising again and forced it back down.

“Let me get the doctor,” the nurse bargained. “She can-“

“No,” Tony cut her off, tone hard, harder than he felt. He was going to be _listened to_ this time, even when he felt like shattering and falling apart. “I’m leaving. Now.”

He turned his back on her, even though his skin crawled to do it, and headed for the door again. He ignored her calls, but kept his ears pricked for any sign that she might be coming after him. He didn’t want that. Chances were good he wouldn’t handle it well. She didn’t follow him. He half expected someone to pop up at any point to stop him, but no one did. He guessed most of the workers came in later, maybe seven? The only person he encountered was a security guard at the desk near the front. The older gentleman had taken one look at him and reached for the desk phone. Tony picked up the pace and headed out the door.

Natasha was waiting for him next to his car, fiery red hair ruffled slightly by the breeze that was blowing straight through Tony’s scrubs. Her eyes ran over him assessingly as he approached, lingering on his forearm and taking in the bandages that were still a bit damp from his late-night-early-morning shower, and her lips thinned. He really hoped she wasn’t going to make him go back. He didn’t want to go back. His steps slowed as he got closer, trepidation creeping through him.

“I didn’t think you’d be sticking around for long,” she said, which was a relief, almost.

“I’m going home,” was his only response. “As soon as I hotwire this thing, I’m gone.”

She nodded.

“You’ll do better there. Might be easier to get there quickly if you just use the keys, though.”

And then suddenly they were there, dangling from her fingers. Tony could have kissed her if the very thought didn’t make him want to curl up in a corner and hide.

“You’re a savior.”

Natasha just passed the keys over.

“What were you planning to do, break the window?”

Tony shrugged.

“I want to go home.”

It came out softly, almost pleadingly, and he could see Natasha taking note. He hated it.

“Get going then,” she urged. “Rogers will be here any minute. Right now they think they have some time but it won’t last long. Mostly they just wanted to see where you would go, but now isn’t the time for curiosity.”

Tony blinked in surprise.

“Steve’s still here? I would’ve thought he’d gone after…”

Tony couldn’t even say the name.

“He’s been arguing with Ross pretty much the entire time, I assure you. He wanted to make sure you were alright and didn’t think Ross should be trusted, which I don’t exactly blame him for,” she told him. “You looked pretty bad when we got to the scene and it was too late to follow any leads, anyway. We’ll have to wait for the next sighting.” She stepped in closer, a little bit closer than Tony felt entirely comfortable with. “We’ll get him, Tony. He won’t get away with this. Whatever else he’s done, he wasn’t operating under orders when he broke out of here and took you, or when he planted that bomb. He’ll answer for his crimes.”

Tony looked to the side and down, unable to look her in the face anymore.

“Right.”

“Now go,” she said, moving aside. “Go home, Tony. I called Clint, figured he’s not technically coming out of retirement if he’s just flying the plane. He’s got a quinjet waiting for you at the airfield where you flew in. He’ll take you straight to the tower. Do whatever you need to do in order to feel safe again. We’ll take care of the rest, and make sure you replace those bandages before you get an infection, m **a** l’chik-z **a** ichik.”

Tony almost wanted to laugh as he stepped past her and got in his car. He was never going to feel safe again. What a joke. It just sucked that the joke was on him. He paused once he was in the seat, looking back out at her.

“My gauntlet,” he said. “It got crushed. Do you know where-“

“Already in the trunk,” Natasha reassured him. “I know you don’t want anybody else getting their hands on your tech. They won’t. It never even made it into the labs.”

Completely irrationally, Tony felt his eyes stinging.

“Thank you.”

Natasha smiled at him kindly.

“This won’t break you, Tony. Remember that. I know how it feels right now but I _promise_ you, this won’t break you.”

Tony wished he could be so sure.


	2. Thank God for Rhodey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony returns to the tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, there's certainly been a good response to this fic. Here's another chapter to keep you all occupied.

The lab helped. _God,_ the lab helped. Tony honestly hadn’t expected it to help as much as it did. It didn’t make everything vanish, of course, but this was Tony’s home. This was where he thrived. He could do this. Rhodey had shown up not even an hour behind him, but Tony had felt so relieved to be home and alone and even just a little bit at peace that he’d denied the man access to his lab. He just wanted to preserve his peace for a little while longer before he had to stop pretending it’d never happened. According to FRIDAY, Rhodey was upstairs raiding Tony’s kitchen and working on his military-grade laptop. The genius wasn’t sorry.

FRIDAY knew more or less what had happened, since she’d been able to get into Tony’s medical files once he hacked into the UN to retrieve copies. Even though he wanted them on hand, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to actually look at them. He was much more inclined to spend time with DUM-E, YOU, and BUTTERFINGERS, who had no idea of what had happened to their creator. They gathered around him, chirping and beeping and poking at him while he stroked their chassis and relished the knowledge that they, at least, would never hurt him. DUM-E even managed to goad Tony into a game of catch with an old tennis ball before he sat down and let himself sink into work.

Schematics and numbers swirled around his head and calmed the roar. When his brain was full of ways to improve the user interface of the StarkTabs, it wasn’t full of memories about what happened. When he thought about water filtration methods for third world countries, he didn’t have to think about hot breath against his ear and across his cheek, of rough hands on his skin, of-Tony just tried to concentrate on his work. The Accords had been eating up a lot of his time. He had plenty to catch up on.

He worked until he dropped, crashing on the couch in his workshop under a plush blanket he’d had since college. It was kind of funny, really, since he’d so been looking forward to his own bed but hadn’t been up to the penthouse even once yet. All his showers had been taken in the decontamination chamber. It seemed more appropriate, anyway. He instructed FRIDAY to keep the lights on the entire time he slept, even though normally she would’ve turned them off or at least dimmed them once he was asleep. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to wake up and have to wonder where he was. He didn’t want that moment of panic.

It didn’t matter. He got it anyway.

Nightmares were nothing new to Tony, really. He’d gotten them more than just a few times after Afghanistan, but he really became familiar with them after Loki’s invasion of New York and the portal. God, that had been awful. They’d only gotten worse from there, when Pepper was taken by Killian. Then, just before Ultron they’d morphed _again_ to Tony seeing the whole team dead. He’d seen them individually before, but all together? With Steve blaming _him_? It’d maybe caused the temporary insanity behind whatever had gone wrong in Ultron’s code. They hadn’t gotten better after that, seeing as he’d nearly destroyed his entire team as his fears taunted he would.

He’d hoped that retiring might help, after a while, but it never seemed to. It’d only fed the insomnia he’d had for nearly his entire life. It’d put a lot of stress on his relationship with Pepper. By the end of it, he couldn’t even blame her for leaving. They weren’t even soulmates and there was always that looming threat that Tony’s wouldn’t be platonic, much less Pepper’s. The persisting nightmares were part of why he’d started developing the BARF glasses, to try and find some way of managing the trauma, of helping himself accept it. Now he had another thing to work through, another thing to feed him nightmares. That first night after coming back to the tower, he woke up crying, still pleading ‘no.’

DUM-E hovered, after that, and the other, younger, bots followed his lead. FRIDAY asked Tony sixteen times if he’d like her to ask Colonel Rhodes to come down to the lab until Tony finally gave in. Rhodey showed up in sweatpants and a rumpled t-shirt, but it was clear he’d been waiting for the call. He settled onto the couch with Tony, a careful distance away. Tony hated it, but he also appreciated it. He loved Rhodey, but he wasn’t sure he could stand being touched right now.

“Hey,” Rhodey finally greeted quietly, the silence having stretched too long, “you ran off on your doctor. I had to reroute my flight.”

Tony gave a half-hearted little shrug. He was exhausted and felt drained even past that. This was _Rhodey,_ though, so he just let himself sag. Rhodey’d seen every side of Tony there was and never turned his back. The genius didn’t have to put on a brave face for him.

“I had to,” he muttered. “I couldn’t stay there.”

Rhodey snorted, but it was forced. He put up a good front but Tony could see the concern in his eyes. He was worried. He was probably right to be.

“Of course not. You got the news that there were no life-threatening injuries. I’ve never known you to stay in a hospital unless it was absolutely necessary. You didn’t even break any bones this time.”

He was trying so hard, Tony could tell, to pretend everything was normal, probably so that Tony could too. It was the genius’s usual coping method. He hated to admit something might be going on. Only things weren’t normal and this time Tony couldn’t even pretend that they were. He didn’t have the energy to. Tony rubbed harshly at the raw skin of his forearm. The skin had rubbed away completely in a couple small spots, not yet even scabbed over. The name still stared up at him accusingly.

“I can’t get clean,” he confessed, though he knew Rhodey wasn’t expecting it. “I keep using the decontamination shower but I can’t get clean. I can still _feel-_ “ it was a struggle to get the last word out, “him.”

Rhodey made a wounded sort of noise. He moved slowly so as not to startle Tony, wrapped one large hand around his forearm. The gentle pressure felt good against his raw skin and Rhodey’s hand covered the name completely. That was even better.

“Natasha and Clint are looking for him,” Rhodey assured. “If anyone can find him, it’s those two. Once they do, King T’Challa and I will bring that fucker down.”

Tony flinched and Rhodey immediately drew away, fumbling for an apology.

“Don’t,” the genius choked out. “Don’t say that word. Please.”

Tony hadn’t been able to say the word himself, hadn’t even been able to think it or any variation of it, since it happened. He didn’t want that reminder of the act and what had been done to him. It’d been a throw away word once, something he said without even thinking about it, but not anymore. Which was so stupid because it was just a _word_ and he still couldn’t handle it. Rhodey looked confused for a few beats as he ran what he said over again in his mind and then his eyes went wide, his horror shining through.

“Shit, Tones, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean-“

“I know.”

And he did know. It was instinctive. Hell, it’d been a staple of Tony’s own vocabulary since he was about ten. That was before, though, and this was now.

“I won’t say it again,” Rhodey promised.

Tony nodded. He felt so ridiculously fragile and it burned him all the more. He rubbed his palms against his thighs to keep from rubbing against his forearm again.

“What are Steve and Wilson doing?” he asked, if only to change the topic.

“They were told in no uncertain terms to stand down,” Rhodey sighed. He reached out for Tony’s arm again, this time running gentle fingers over the skin to examine the damage. “So, of course, they’re probably right behind the other two.”

There was something off about his tone, though. He sounded a bit too tense for everything to be just dandy. A knot of worry formed in Tony’s stomach.

“What will happen if they get caught?”

“Don’t know.”

The ‘don’t care,’ went unsaid, even though Tony could hear it loud and clear. He shifted a bit uncomfortably. This was not Rhodey’s usual attitude. Tony grasped for possible explanations. A terrible realization came to him.

“Steve still wants to save him… Steve still wants to take him home like nothing happened.”

Rhodey ground his teeth together.

“The bastard had no idea what he was saying,” he all but growled, and now it was Tony reaching out for Rhodey’s hands. “He started spouting some 1940’s _bullshit_ like he hasn’t been in this era for a few good _years_ already. It was like it’d never even come up that views might be _different_ now. I forget sometimes, you know, what things were like back then and that Rogers might not think quite like the rest of us because he just _seems_ so _normal_ , but _damn_.”

Rhodey was pretty clearly winding himself up for a full-blown rant, his righteous anger was so powerful. Tony swallowed convulsively and cut in before he could really even get started.

“What did he say?”

Rhodey scowled.

“Nothing anybody believed. I think even Ross was taken aback.”

He was avoiding the answer now, and that never meant anything good.

“What did he _say_ , Rhodey?”

Because Tony needed to know. He needed to be prepared. The genius braced himself mentally, but what came out of Rhodey’s mouth next was nothing he would have expected.

“He said that Barnes is still pretty messed up from HYDRA, that’s he’s not fully in control of himself,” Rhodey spat out. “Which, yeah, I could see a bit, but that’s an explanation and not an excuse. He still did it. So, when that’s not enough to get his dear old pal off the hook, that’s when Roger’s _really_ puts his foot in it.” By this point, Rhodey was opening and closing his fists, releasing Tony’s hands so he wouldn’t hurt the genius. Rage radiated from every inch of him. “He said that the two of you were _soulmates_. That all you two needed was a little time together, to ‘get to know each other.’ Like that’s anything you would even _remotely_ want to do right now. Like we should just shove the two of you in a room together because being alone together _worked out so well last time!_ ”

Rhodey might have said more, but Tony couldn’t hear him over the roaring in his ears. He listed to the side drunkenly before scrambling off the couch in a desperate dash for the bathroom. He only made it as far as the doorway before he vomited all over the floor. He crashed to his knees beside the mess, trembling and still gagging horribly. Rhodey was there a heartbeat later, pulling Tony into his chest and holding him close.

“We won’t let him anywhere near you,” he swore. “I’ll kill him first. I’ll kill both of those super soldiers if Steve even tries. Don’t you worry, Tones. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Tony let himself sink into Rhodey, for the first time since his... since his capture taking comfort in another human being. Thank God for Rhodey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm asking on a few different fics to get a good gauge, but I've been thinking about posting a bit of one of my original novels here. Would anyone be interested in reading it?


	3. I Know That Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally track down Barnes.

Rhodey stayed in the lab after that. Tony had thought it would make him uncomfortable, and sometimes it did, but it was also a relief. Rhodey was a presence he knew and Rhodey would never hurt him. The only hiccup came when Tony woke from yet another nightmare and mistook Rhodey for Barnes in his panic. He’d called for the activation of the suit, but FRIDAY was a smart girl. Rhodey had backed off and kept talking to him until he’d calmed down enough to recognize his friend.

Mostly, Tony spent his time working and dodging calls from the outside world. Rhodey talked to Pepper, Happy, and Justin (Trudeau, not Hammer, of course), since they were the only ones in Tony’s little circle that actually knew what had happened. He tried to talk Tony into calling Justin, but Tony still wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened, no matter who it was with. Natasha, bless her, sent emails whenever there was new information to be had. She didn’t even seem to mind that Tony never wrote her back. Steve and Sam had joined them after all, though Sam seemed almost reluctant according to her. Tony had been home three days, and was feeling almost steady again, when he got the email that flipped everything upside down all over again.

They’d found Barnes, and it wasn’t pretty.

He’d apparently been trying to head to Siberia, to a facility there where there were _more_ Winter Soldiers. He was back to himself a little more, too, and according to Natasha he was horrified by what he’d done to Tony. The genius couldn’t decide if that was a relief or just made it worse. It’d made him physically ill to read Natasha’s description of how they’d found Barnes cowering under crumbling stairs, pulling at his own hair and begging them to lock him up as soon as he was done getting rid of the other Winter Soldiers. He claimed not to have had anything to do with the bombing of the UN and that the interrogator had reactivated his programing just before his escape from detainment. They’d compromised, putting him in the containment area on the Quinjet while they flew the rest of the way to Siberia. Steve apparently wasn’t completely on board with the idea, but too bad. He’d been overruled. Natasha would keep Tony posted on what they found there.

She didn’t mention what would happen when that was taken care of. Where would Barnes go? Clearly, the UN wasn’t equipped to contain him. Barnes had literally ripped through their security, grabbing Tony along the way. Ross would want him on the Raft, but Tony couldn’t be sure he would be secure there, either. There were too many variables. A truly effective prison for the enhanced hadn’t been developed yet. The closest anyone had come was the Hulk Containment Chamber that Bruce had insisted on being in the tower. Every scrap of his and Tony’s genius had gone into creating it. He doubted Ross’s pet scientists could match that and the general-turned-secretary certainly hadn’t asked Tony for a consult.

Rhodey had, reluctantly, gone to join the others. He’d missed out on getting to take Barnes into custody, but the threat of five Winter Soldiers was a huge one. If Barnes was telling the truth, and this Zemo character was going to activate the others just like he activated Barnes, that was a big deal. Whether Zemo planned to use them for his own ends or just set them loose, it was a bad situation. He’d turned Barnes loose, apparently, and look how that had ended. War Machine would come in handy. Hell, Iron Man would come in handy. Tony was just self-aware enough to admit that he was in no shape to be there.

So, Tony had convinced Rhodey to go and meet the others in Siberia. T’Challa was apparently going to meet them there, too, while Vision and Wanda stayed on call in case backup was needed. FRIDAY would be monitoring the whole thing for Tony, keeping him updated of anything that might happen. He wasn’t just going to let his team go in there and not keep an eye on them. It was already a struggle not to put on the suit and try to shove aside his panic at the idea of seeing Barnes again.

Tony tried to concentrate on his work, on anything that would keep his mind occupied. FRIDAY let him know when Rhodey caught up with the others mid-air and when they touched down at the base. He waited in suspense as they entered and FRIDAY told him of each cleared area. She told him when T’Challa arrived and took up guard of the perimeter, both to keep anyone from sneaking away and to keep an eye on Barnes where he was still in the quinjet.

His heart was pounding in his chest when the team reached the main room, where the cryochambers for the Winter Soldiers were. His fingers dug into the arm of his chair and his teeth worried at his lip. FRIDAY tapped into the com units so Tony could hear everything real-time.

“What the Hell?” was the first thing he heard, the words coming from Barton.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” Steve agreed.

There was the faint sound of them moving further into the room, probably examining things. Tony wanted to jump in, but he was afraid of distracting them. Who knew what the situation was?

“Get me a private line to Rhodey,” he instructed, his fingers coming up to tap nervously at his chest where the arc reactor had once sat. The scar tissue that now filled the gap was knotted and harder than the rest of his flesh. It served just as well for keeping up his nervous tick.

“Tones?” came Rhodey’s voice over the coms. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he hastened to assure. “Just listening in. What’s going on?”

There was a pause, like Rhodey wasn’t entirely sure what to say.

“They’re dead,” he finally settled on. “All of the other Soldiers are dead, shot in their cryochambers. They were never even unfrozen. Whatever Zemo’s plan, it didn’t involve using them.”

Which was good, Tony supposed, but didn’t ease his tension.

“Have you found him yet? Zemo?”

Because if he really was the one who had orchestrated all of this, he was a dangerous man. Tony’s personal reasons for wanting him to see justice aside, he couldn’t be allowed to get away. He’d bombed the _United Nations_. The only question was whether they should take him back or let T’Challa rip the man’s throat out for killing his father.

“No sign of him yet. We haven’t cleared the entire base, though. Did FRIDAY tell you his Highness showed up? He’s waiting outside. If Zemo tries to get away, he’ll catch the bastard.”

Tony’s fingers kept right on tapping away, worry and speculations consuming his brain.

“But the rest of you, you’re all in the room? What if it’s a trap?”

“Natasha and Clint checked the doors,” Rhodey assured. “They’re not rigged. They’re checking out the rest of the room now.”

Tony frowned.

“I still don’t like it.”

“Neither do I. None of this feels right, Tones. There’s something going on here. Why would Zemo go through all that effort just to kill off the other Winter Soldiers? Why would he set Barnes up and then turn him loose at the UN so he could lead us here? What’s the end game?”

Rhodey, thankfully, didn’t bring up the question of whether or not what Barnes had done to Tony was even part of the plan. Even so, Tony flinched at the words. It was a good thing Rhodey didn’t have a visual.

“He has to still be planning something.”

Rhodey made a noise of agreement.

“We’ll figure it out.”

“Be careful,” Tony couldn’t help but add, even though it was entirely unnecessary. “He’s smart and dedicated.”

“We will,” Rhodey promised. “Don’t worr-Hold on.”

Tony sat up straighter.

“What? What’s happening? FRIDAY, patch me into the War Machine armor. I want visuals.”

A holo-screen popped up instantly, tinged blue but showing Tony exactly what Rhodey was seeing from the armor. The room was concrete-everything, dark and damp. There was some sort of chair in the center, and cryochambers lined the walls. The room shifted as War Machine stomped his way across to where there was a small slit in the concrete, light shining through. Zemo’s voice rang through the room.

“Do you really think I wanted _more_ of those abominations running around?” he asked. “No, one Winter Soldier was bad enough, but it brought you all here, so I guess they served a purpose in the end. I have to admit, I was more keen on Iron Man. Did Barnes kill him?”

Tony felt like vomiting again, his breath hitching. He felt the ghost impression of metal fingers wrapping around the back of his neck and holding him down. He heard Rhodey growling.

“You’re sick,” the colonel snapped. “You’re messed up, that you would set Barnes out to do something like _that_.”

Zemo laughed.

“Oh, you’re mistaken. That was _all_ Barnes. I just told him to get out. I had nothing to do with his decision to take Mr. Stark with him. Tell me, what exactly did he do to the great Iron Man that has you in such a fuss, hmm? Did he torture him? I’m a little surprised, to be honest, the Winter Soldier was never programmed to be cruel. I guess that was a part of Barnes already.”

Steve’s shield slammed into the glass slit before bouncing back with no affect. Tony was trembling, but he couldn’t look away. He needed to know what happened.

“You’re under arrest, Zemo,” Steve declared. “It’s over.”

That only made Zemo laugh more.

“You’re mistaken, Captain. It’s only just begun.”

A video monitor blinked to life, displaying an old, grainy image of a winding road. Tony swallowed convulsively as Rhodey moved to get a better look at it. His throat felt tight.

“I know that road.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is interested, I have also begun posting some of my original work. Here's a link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11152806/chapters/24885585
> 
> I would really appreciate any feedback you'd like to give.


	4. Listening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve needs to learn how to listen and Tony does a bit more of it than perhaps he should.

Barnes had killed his parents.

His parents had been _murdered_ and Barnes had been the one to kill them.

There was so much wrong with this situation that Tony didn’t even know where to start. He dragged himself out of the lab and up to the penthouse for yet another shower, trying desperately to get the feeling of Barnes off of his skin. He choked for air, couldn’t seem to quite get enough. His mind whirred. He’d thought things couldn’t get any worse. He really had. He should have known better.

“FRIDAY,” he called out, voice rough, “get me a line to the quinjet. Rhodey, Nat, I don’t care. Whoever answers first.”

“Tony,” Natasha’s crisp voice said softly just moments later. Being an assassin must have really improved her reflexes, “Zemo’s in custody, but I’m sure you already knew that.”

He had, of course. Even if he’d been freaking out, FRIDAY had still kept him updated. She was a good girl like that. Tony stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself in an over-sized towel, feeling suddenly exposed.

“Bring-“ he choked himself off, illogical fear and panic squeezing his chest. He growled at his own weakness. It was just a _name_. It held no power. “Bring Barnes to the tower,” he ground out finally.

He could almost feel her rise to full attention over the line.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“I want him where I know he can’t get out,” the genius admitted, every word tasting like poison on his tongue. He was Tony Stark. He shouldn’t be this disgustingly weak. “I _need_ him secure and the tower is the only place I trust.”

As terrible as it would be having Barnes so close, it was what Tony needed. He’d be constantly aware of the other’s presence in the very same building but at least he knew Barnes couldn’t get out. FRIDAY could keep Tony safe. The suits were here. Barnes wouldn’t be able to ignore Tony’s pleas again. Tony wouldn’t _have_ to plead.

“Okay,” Natasha said, clearly picking up on everything Tony hadn’t said in that way of hers that cut through all the bullshit. “Rhodes isn’t going to be happy about it, though.”

Tony nodded his head in acknowledgement, even though he knew she couldn’t see him. He also turned to head into his bedroom, to put clothes back on, an armor, a shield.

“I imagine a lot of people won’t be happy about it. Just tell Honey Bear it was my idea.”

Natasha hummed her agreement.

“Somehow, I think that might make him like it even less. We’ll see you in a few hours, Tony. Take care of yourself. I’ll call Vision and Wanda and have them head over to the tower to meet us. I want every layer of protection we can get. I don’t think Barnes will try and pull anything, but I’m not running any risks.”

Tony ignored the twisting of his gut as the call disconnected. He wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about the thought of Wanda hanging around right now, the woman having always left him feeling a bit nervous. He did see the logic of it, though, and he knew she wouldn’t let Barnes do anything. She wasn’t cruel, even if she didn’t like Tony much.

Tony pulled on his clothes, soft, loose things that made him feel less exposed but didn’t make him feel protected because he doubted anything could. Then it was back down to the lab to await the arrival of the others. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to face Barnes, certainly wouldn’t before he was locked up in Hulk containment. He didn’t need to be wearing armor.

The lab was, without a doubt, the most protected room in the tower. There were enough security features primed and ready that someone would have to bring the whole damn building down just to get into the lab. Tony had planned it initially to make sure no one could steal any sensitive designs, especially the weaponizable ones, but now he was glad for it if only because he knew there would be no way for Barnes to reach him. He might slip past the others and get free, but he wouldn’t be able to breach the lab to reach Tony. FRIDAY would put him down before he could even scratch the reinforced glass.

He stayed down there until FRIDAY let him know that Vision and Wanda had arrived. He didn’t go out to greet them, couldn’t stand the thought of leaving his lab just yet, and so had FRIDAY just send them where they needed to go. The proximity sensors let him know that the quinjet was in range. He pulled up video to watch as it landed on the platform and it seemed like the tension inside of him only grew the longer he had to wait for the doors to open and the team to appear.

Finally, after what seemed like a small eternity, the back of the plane opened up, the ramp lowering to allow for easy passage. War Machine stomped down the ramp and Tony imagined Rhodey’s scowling face even through the faceplate. There was no way he could be happy with this little arrangement. Vision and Wanda appeared from inside to assist as Sam and Clint also exited the quinjet. He had his bow out and ready to use. King T’Challa’s single-person aircraft hovered nearby, waiting for the all clear before FRIDAY directed him to a second landing pad.

Then it was Natasha and Steve, Barnes cuffed and walking between them. His hair was a mess, full of tangles and knots, and his red Henley looked as if it’d grown a size and somehow become even more stained in the process. He was hunched in on himself, too, as though there was anything that could be done to make himself appear smaller. He didn’t look fearsome or terrifying or even angry. He looked scared and lost and alone.

Tony wanted to punch him.

How dare he- _How dare he_ look like a victim after what he’d done? Victims didn’t do the kind of things Barnes had done to Tony. _Monsters_ did those things. _Barnes_ was a _monster_ , not a victim, and he may have been able to fool Steve but he wasn’t going to fool Tony. He wasn’t going to fool Rhodey or FRIDAY or, judging by the warry glares, Natasha or Clint. He wasn’t even going to be able to fool Sam, who usually followed Steve’s word like it was the law. It wasn’t going to work.

Tony watched the procession enter the tower and head down to what had once been Bruce’s lab floor. Barnes never once tried to escape or made a move that was anything other than resigned. He walked into the Hulk containment cell without complaint, almost before he was ordered to. The entire time, Steve looked like someone had kicked his puppy and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He pressed a hand to the glass of the cage once the door had slid shut again.

“It’s gonna be okay, Buck,” he said earnestly, though it made Tony sick to hear it even through the speakers. “I’ll talk to Tony. You won’t be in here for long, I promise.”

The angle of the cameras didn’t give Tony a good look at Barnes’s expression, but his voice sounded absolutely wrecked when he responded.

“No, Stevie. I belong in here.”

Tony cut the feed.

He couldn’t stand it, seeing Barnes like that, hearing him talk like that. He wasn’t even sure why it made him so angry. Barnes _should_ be sorry after what he’d done. Tony _wanted_ him to be sorry for that sick shit he pulled, but this… Barnes sounded devastated. Natasha had said as much before, when they’d found him, but somehow it hadn’t really sunk in for Tony. He’d known, but he hadn’t _known_.

Natasha and Rhodey both came by the lab to talk to him, but he turned them away. The others all seemed to hover on the communal floor, unsure what to do with themselves, and Steve stayed down with Barnes. Tony didn’t think he could stand to look at any of them, much less talk to them. Of course, he also couldn’t seem to focus on any of his projects either. He was too wound up and jittery.

Part of him wanted to hide away from the world forever and another part wanted to put on a suit and go show Barnes what damage he could really do. He wanted to take his soldering iron to his forearm and burn away the name there, regardless that the letters would just come back as the wound healed. He wanted to scream and break something and _do anything to change what had happened_. Only nothing could change it.

Bucky Barnes was Tony Stark’s soulmate, and the first time they met Barnes had violently raped him.

Tony sat in his lab, surrounded by all the things that made him feel at home, and tried to accept that. He’d had so many things, bad things, happen to him since becoming Iron Man, some of them even before that. Each and every thing had changed him in some way, left its mark upon him. This had left its mark, too, both the physical and mental. Bite marks littered Tony’s neck and shoulders where Barnes had bit him and bruises littered his body but none of that compared to the weight that’d settled over his mind.

There was no going back from this, that was for sure. There was no pretending it hadn’t happened. It was something that Tony would carry with him, that would always nag at the back of his mind even when he was managing to act perfectly normal. It would always be there, influencing his choices and how he saw situations and people.

How was he supposed to go to a gala and flirt shamelessly with the other guests when he knew how possible it was for his advantage to be stolen away? How could he stand tall against those who would steal him away and torture him when he knew _exactly_ what threat would break him? He’d known he wasn’t a great threat without his suit, not when compared to his teammates, but now he was painfully aware of just how little he could do to fight back and that knowledge would never leave him.

Barnes took something away from him, when he kidnapped Tony from the UN facility, forced him down on the floor of that empty building, and did what he wanted. He took Tony’s security and his faith in himself. He took Tony’s confidence and self-assurance. He took what little was left of Tony’s naiveté. Now, Tony wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He didn’t know what he could do.

Something had been taken away from him and Tony didn’t know how to get it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what's everyone thinking about Bucky now? This is the first we've really been able to hear of his side of things.


	5. Trepedation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony interacts with the others again for the first time.

Tony eventually ventured out of his lab to join the others. He was nervous and, to be perfectly honest, he didn’t want to. But he also knew he was going to have to face people eventually. He might as well start with his team, in his own home, so he could run and hide if he needed to. They would understand, he thought. At the very least, they would let him get away with it. It wasn’t like he was going to face Barnes, who was still locked away in the Hulk chamber. It was just his team, just his _friends._

He was pretty sure either Natasha or Clint noticed him first, but it was Sam who reacted. He leapt up from where he’d been seated on the couch and took a half-step forward before stopping, clearly unsure of how to proceed. It drew Tony to the room’s attention, though, and Rhodey felt no such hesitation. He was at Tony’s side in just a few strides.

“Tones, hey, I wasn’t expecting you up so soon.”

The genius just gave him a little shrug, putting more effort into keeping himself steady on his feet. He hadn’t expected to feel this unsettled by having other people around.

“It needed to happen,” he admitted, because there was no way they all wouldn’t figure out how messed up he was anyway. At least this way he didn’t have to spell it out.

Rhodey looked like he wanted to argue for a moment before he nodded and let it go, thankfully.

“It’s good to see you,” Natasha said, approaching Tony from his other side. “I feel better getting to see you myself.”

Tony knew she only said it for his benefit, shifting the need of the situation onto her own shoulders, but it still made him feel a bit better. He was glad she was here at all, actually, rather than have to face the rest of the team on his own. The only one missing was Steve, but the others were all present. Even T’Challa was there, his mask removed but still in his armor.

“FRIDAY said you were… discussing the details,” he managed to force out haltingly, “about what to do with Barnes.”

It was getting easier to say the name now, at least. It almost felt like a victory, like Tony was able to reclaim just a piece of what had been taken away from him. It just wasn’t nearly enough.

“We were,” Vision confirmed. “Along with the fate of Zemo. The current solution will not last for the long term, especially with the Accords now in such a tumultuous position. This incident, and how it is handled, will determine a great deal. There will be impacts of us holding Barnes here while Zemo was dropped off to UN authorities.”

“Already countries are calling for changes to the Accords my father pushed for,” T’Challa added, “and much of what they are calling for is not favorable. Between the bombing of the UN and the Winter Soldier’s escape, coupled with his kidnapping and assault of you have only stood to prove the necessity of having legislation in place. I cannot say I disagree with them. The review will take time, though, and we can use that to come to an agreement amongst ourselves, at least.”

Tony had to force down the desire to run and hide again at T’Challa’s blunt phrasing. He had survived three months of _torture_ and had turned around to go after his captors. He’d had his heart ripped out only to go toe to toe with the man who’d done it. He’d faced Vanko and Killian and Ultron. He’d flown a damn nuclear bomb through a portal into outer space. There was no way _this_ was going to be the thing he couldn’t handle.

“It sounds like you have some ideas of your own that you would like to push for,” he said, and was proud that his voice actually sounded steady.

T’Challa gave him a long, steady look before nodding.

“We have not had the chance to interact much ourselves, Mr. Stark, but my father spoke very highly of you from your meetings over the Accords. He was as impressed by you yourself as he was by your technology, neither of which is a light compliment coming from a Wakandan.”

“King T’Chaka was a good man,” Tony acknowledged.

“Thank you. I will run with him again in the fields of the Panther God one day. For now, though, I feel great pain and anger over his loss. I understand that the Winter Soldier was not, in fact, the one to set off that bomb, but my mind is not so simply set at ease. I would like to station a few members of my own security force outside of the Winter Soldier’s cell. While I am sure your technology and containments are second to none, I do not believe it to ever be unwise to have an extra line of defense.”

Tony considered it, considered letting people into the tower that he didn’t _know._

“I-“ he started before cutting himself off.

What was he going to do? Say no because he was scared one of T’Challa’s people might turn out to be just as messed up as Barnes? He had no reason to think that. Hell, T’Challa’s people would be an asset, if anything. An extra line of defense, like he said. Right. It was only logical. Except that Zemo had managed to infiltrate a UN facility. What was to stop someone from doing the same with T’Challa’s people?

“Yeah, sure,” Tony managed to force out through teeth that didn’t want to part for the words. “They’ll need security clearance, though. The cell is on Bruce’s lab floor and there are… sensitive materials.”

He would have to be blind to miss how everyone in the room tensed. T’Challa frowned at him.

“If you feel uncomfortable with their presence,” the king said carefully, “that is understandable. You have been through enough, Mr. Stark. I do not seek to make things any more difficult for you.”

“I said it was fine,” the genius snapped, letting his anger out on T’Challa even though it was really aimed at himself. “Give their info to FRIDAY. She’ll run the background checks and give the all clear. FRIDAY, be a doll and put a rush on that. We don’t have time to waste.”

Like Hell he was going to let this break him. No way. Natasha had said it wouldn’t and she was right. Of course she was. When was she ever _not_ right? Barnes was not going to be the end of him. Tony refused. He’d take this fear and shove it aside.

“As you wish,” T’Challa finally said, dipping his head to Tony. “If at any time you change your mind, though-“

“I won’t.”

There were looks exchanged all around the room and Tony _hated_ it, hated that they felt like they had to tiptoe around him, like there was something _wrong_ with him. His hand drifted to his forearm again, squeezing the sore skin there. The sting of the abrasions grounded him.

“Tones…”

“It’s the right choice to make,” the genius cut off his best friend, “and I would prefer Barnes to be as secure as possible.”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’ll be attempting to get out,” Natasha contributed. “He doesn’t want to.”

Tony’s hand squeezed rhythmically.

“No, I don’t think he does,” he agreed. “He seems… messed up.”

Sam’s unsettled shifting drew him to Tony’s attention. He looked highly uncomfortable.

“I hate to ask, but you didn’t give the UN a report of what happened. This certainly isn’t how he was acting when he broke out but is it different than when he...”

He trailed off even before Rhodey moved between them, face twisted into a snarl.

“It hardly matters.”

“Actually, it might,” Natasha jumped in again. The look she sent Tony was almost apologetic. “If my theory is correct, then it would make quite a difference.”

Tony shuddered all over, his jaw locking and refusing to let him utter a sound. Meanwhile, Rhodey rounded on Natasha.

“You can’t seriously tell me you’re buying into that crap of him not being in control of himself. I thought you were better than that, Romanov.”

Her glare could have melted steel.

“Do not mistake me, Rhodes. Barnes will _pay_ but he will pay for the right things. Don’t let yourself be blinded. If what we have can be contradicted in any way, there’s a chance of him slipping through the cracks.”

They were practically toe-to-toe, getting in each other’s face. Tony took half a step back. Sam approached them slowly, hands out placatingly.

“Look, let’s all just stay calm, okay?”

“Back off, Wilson,” Rhodey growled. “If Tony didn’t give an official statement before, what makes you think he’s going to want to give one to _you_.”

“Hey, I’m just-“

“ _Enough_ ,” Vision’s command cut through the room, bringing silence with it. As always, it made something in Tony’s chest ache. “This is not the time to be squabbling amongst ourselves. While it is important to get all the facts, it seems unnecessary that Mr. Stark be asked to do so in front of so many.” His gaze locked on Tony’s. “Would you feel comfortable sitting down with one of us? It can wait, if you would like.”

Tony swallowed roughly.

“No, no, you’re right,” he finally managed. “It needs to be done.”

He was going to have to _say_ it, say all of it. He was going to have to give details and relive the whole thing. Nausea clawed at his gut.

“I can do it,” Clint said suddenly, unexpectedly, giving Tony a lopsided smile, “if that’s alright with you. I know procedure for this sort of thing. I can ask the right questions for later.”

Tony’s nod was jerky.

“Yeah, yeah, okay. Let’s get this over with.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on how this talk is gonna go?


	6. Coffee and a Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Tony have that talk...

Clint seemed to already know where he wanted to go as he led Tony out of the room. He headed straight for the kitchen, beelining for the coffee maker and pouring out two mugs.

“Good thing we already had this going,” he commented. “I think we’re gonna need it.”

Tony couldn’t bring himself to respond and soon he was being led away again and into the elevator. Clint had FRIDAY bring them up to the penthouse and then guided Tony out onto the balcony that overlooked the city. The quinjet landing pad sat three levels below. Clint set the mugs down on a small table between two chairs and took a deep breath.

“Ah, can’t you just smell that sweet pollution? Refreshing.”

He threw himself down into one of the Adirondack lounge chairs and tilted his head to indicate that Tony should do the same beside him.

“We’re gonna talk here?” the genius questioned as he settled in.

Clint hummed.

“It’s as good a place as any, I figure, and more private. It’s close to your space so you’ll feel a bit more comfortable but not so close that you’ll have to remember this talk every time you walk through. If you need to stop or leave at any time, you can easily enough.”

Tony scowled.

“I’m not fragile. I’m not _broken_.”

Clint snorted as if the very idea was absurd to him.

“Of course you aren’t. But you’ve still gone through something that’s traumatic and awful. You’re already in a Hell of a lot better shape than you were on the flight back here but c’mon, Tony. You and I both know you aren’t ‘fine’ either.”

“I thought Natasha was the one who dug up everyone’s secrets.”

“Hawkeye, remember? I see everything. Besides, you’ve known me long enough to know I’m just as much of a spy as she is.”

Tony sighed.

“I know. It’s just easier to forget with you.”

Clint grinned at him.

“The argument could be made that makes me the _better_ spy.”

“Uh huh. You gonna be the one to say that to Natasha’s face?”

“Thanks, but I like my liver where it is. Besides, keeping secrets is part of the whole spy game anyway,” he said, sending Tony a wink. “But we didn’t come up here to talk about my amazing agent skills.”

Tony kind of wished they could. It would be a much easier conversation to have.

“Where should I start?” he asked, because he also knew this was going to happen eventually. Best if it happened on his own terms.

Clint pulled his phone from his pocket and fiddled with it for a moment to bring up a recording app before setting it on the table between them.

“We know what happened at the facility.  You confronted Barnes with Natasha and T’Challa. He disabled the gauntlet and hit you pretty hard. You were down for a while as he dealt with the other two, but you seemed at least somewhat conscious when he came back to you. Did you pass out at all?”

Tony fiddled with his fingers.

“Maybe for a second or two, I’m not sure,” he admitted. “I cracked my head pretty good on the floor when he threw me. I was disoriented, couldn’t get my feet back under myself. I don’t think I would have gotten back up for a while longer if he hadn’t dragged me out of there.”

And Barnes _had_ dragged him, flesh hand lifting Tony by the fabric of his suit jacket and taking out guards with his metal arm.

“And did he say anything to you during that time?”

“No, nothing.”

“Alright, no problem. He stole the chopper after that. What do you remember of that?”

Tony closed his eyes, the memory playing out like a movie against his eyelids.

“Steve tried to keep him from getting away, but he wasn’t quick enough. There was a fight, I think? I’m not sure.”

“Makes sense. The doctors said you had a concussion. They just weren’t sure if you’d gotten it at the facility or… later. Were you restrained?”

Tony shook his head, the shame burning through him. He blinked his eyes back open to stare down at his hands. He didn’t want to look at Clint. He felt so damned angry with himself. Why hadn’t he fought back harder? Why’d he let himself be taken?

“But there wasn’t a chance to try to get away at that point. Where was I gonna go? Out a window?” he asked sarcastically, getting defensive even if Clint wasn’t actually accusing him of anything.

“No, of course. You couldn’t have overpowered Barnes. It was better to wait and bide your time looking for an opening.”

An opening that had never come.

“I just lay there in the back, trying not to heave on myself,” he confessed. “We flew for a long time. I had no idea where we ended up until Natasha and the others found me. Barnes touched down in a construction site, the chopper barely even fit. He dragged me out and dumped me against a wall before throwing a tarp over the thing. I tried to run while his back was turned but…”

“He’s an enhanced super soldier trained to be an international assassin.”

Tony snorted bitterly.

“Yeah. Well, he caught me pretty quick. I guess that’s why the tail of the chopper was still exposed for you guys to find,” the genius mused. He let one hand drift up to his upper arm, where the bruises had darkened and spread over the past few days, no longer perfectly mimicking the shape of Barnes’ fingers. “He didn’t like that I tried to run. He grabbed me, hauled me inside the building. He wasn’t gentle. He-he said I was _his_. He told me to _stay._ Like a damn dog.”

He was trembling again now. Clint didn’t speak again immediately, letting the silence stretch between them.

“So, he knew you were soulmates, then.”

Tony nodded jerkily.

“He ripped off my jacket and shirt, seemed obsessed with finding his name, my words. He kept demanding to know where they were and then,” his breathing was picking up, but he pressed onward anyway, “he couldn’t seem to get enough of them. He kept touching them, the whole time.”

“Did he… show you your name?”

Tony’s hands and jaw both clenched. He could see it all in his head, the way Barnes had looked so _pleased_ the entire time. It was only when Tony struggled that it morphed into anger.

“On his hip,” he choked out. “My name is on his hip.”

Tony had gotten to stare at it the entre time Barnes had been holding him by the hair and shoving his cock down the genius’s throat.

“Do you need to take a break?” Clint asked gently, as if reading his mind, but Tony shook his head.

If he stopped now, he wasn’t sure that he’d manage to start again. He might just run away and hide forever. It was theoretically possible that he could lock himself in his lab and FRIDAY would make it so he never had to have contact with another human being ever again.

“Alright,” Clint allowed, thankfully taking Tony’s word for it. “So, what happened after that? You don’t have to go into detail, but I’ll need at least the basics.”

The genius steeled himself. It was now or never. Best to just bite the bullet.

“He forced me onto my knees, grabbed my hair and made me suck him off,” he said. The words made him want to vomit almost as much as the taste of Barnes’ release had. “I’d hoped that would be the end of it but,” he snorted bitterly, “super soldier stamina, I guess. It didn’t even slow him down. I tried to fight him but that only seemed to piss him off. He, uh, he slammed my face into the ground and held me there with a hand on the back of my neck. His metal one.”

Tony’s throat spasmed and Clint nudged the second, still untouched coffee towards him. The genius snapped it up and took a sip. It gave him something else to focus on while he got the rest of the words out.

“He ripped my pants off after that, didn’t waste much time, used his own spit for lube. It,” he cleared his throat, “it didn’t work so well. But he was determined, so,” he shrugged. His eyes stayed glued to the mug of coffee. “He was _everywhere_. He kept leaning over me, pressing against my back so he could kiss my shoulders and neck, bite them.”

Clint’s tone was very delicate when he spoke again, as if he were struggling for control of himself. At least Tony wasn’t the only one.

“Did he hurt you anymore? During?”

“You mean besides…”

“Yeah, besides that.”

Tony shook his head.

“No, he had what he wanted by then and I’d-I’d given up fighting back.”

“What did he do after?”

Tony shuddered.

“Held onto me longer. I think he would have stayed there a while if you guys hadn’t shown up. I don’t know. I passed out after a while and then… Then Natasha was crouching over me and calling my name.”

Clint heaved a sigh.

“Alright,” he said. “That was good, Tony. You did… really, really well. We’ll be able to use this.”

Tony nodded wordlessly, still forcing down the roiling in his stomach. He set down his mug and stood.

“Heading back inside?”

“Yeah. I-I’ve got something in the lab I need to check on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not many people had much faith in Clint last chapter. How do you all think the talk went?


	7. Friends and Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony looks in on his guest and overhears something he maybe shouldn't.

Tony headed straight down to the lab, avoiding the common floor and his other teammates who were still on it. He didn’t want to see any of them, to be around other people. He collapsed into the chair behind his desk like a puppet with his strings cut. He felt ill and off-center. Now more than ever, he wished the last week had never happened. It was as if having to _say_ it made the whole thing that much worse. There was no way he could just pretend it’d never happened anymore.

“FRIDAY,” he croaked, “bring up the footage of the Hulk containment room.”

He needed the reassurance that Barnes was still safely locked away, that he couldn’t get out.

“Boss, are you sure-“

“Please. Just do it.”

The three holographic screens that made up his desk activated, each screen cut in half to display all six of the camera angles for the Hulk room. They hadn’t been placed there with observation in mind, but they still provided plenty enough of a view for Tony’s purposes.

Barnes sat cross-legged on the floor a few feet away from the glass, staring out at the pacing Steve with miserable eyes. He looked tired, too, Tony noticed. His flesh arm was wrapped around his front so that his hand lay right where Tony knew his name to be on his hip. Tony was pretty sure he had no intentions of moving anytime soon. Steve, on the other hand, looked like he was trying to work up the momentum needed to take flight.

“-ll get it all sorted out,” Steve was saying. “It’s only a matter of time.”

But Barnes was already shaking his head.

“You don’t get it, Stevie. He’s got every right to put me in here. Hell, I _want_ to be in here. He needs to be able to feel safe.”

There was no question about who they were talking about. Steve grunted, not looking happy.

“Of course he’s safe. He’s just… confused.”

Barnes actually looked a bit irritated at that.

“He ain’t _confused,_ ” he bit out. “He’s scared, and he’s damn right to be. What I did to him…”

“That wasn’t your fault!”

“Doesn’t mean I didn’t still do it,” Barnes growled back, leaning forward but not rising. “These hands held him down, Steve. These teeth marked him. This-“

“ _Stop._ ”

“If he decided he wanted me dead, he’d be perfectly within his rights. I’m surprised he’s even allowed this much, letting me be in the tower. If I were him, I’d want me as far away as possible.”

Steve was scowling.

“Tony knows what’s right. He’s not going to kill you. I’ll talk to him.”

“So you keep saying,” Barnes grumbled. “Problem is, I’m starting to think that’s not such a good idea. Seems more and more like you’re the one who’s confused.”

“C’mon, Buck. Don’t be like that. You weren’t you. You’d never hurt Tony.”

Barnes snorted a humorless laugh.

“Yeah, well, that’s the problem, ain’t it? I _did_ hurt him.”

“You and I both know-“

“You don’t know nothin’! You weren’t there, Steve. You have _no idea._ ”

“Bucky…”

“He begged me to stop,” Barnes choked out, suddenly looking close to shattering. “Just try and imagine that, just for a second. Your _soulmate_ is begging you to stop but you don’t. You ignore it. You _force_ them-“

“That was HYDRA, not you.”

Barnes stared down at his own hands like he was seeing them for the first time.

“Was it?”

He sounded lost.

“Of course. You’d never-“

“Because I’m not so sure. They made me do some messed up shit over the years. It weren’t even the first time I done-done _that_ to a person. Sometimes they’d want to break somebody ‘stead o’ just killin’ ‘em. But this? There weren’t orders about this. Zola told me to get out of there, to cause as much damage as I could on the way.”

“Then that’s what it was! You can’t tell me that taking Tony wouldn’t cause damage. Stark Industries, Iron Man, this whole Accords business… He has his fingers in a lot of pies.”

“I didn’t take him because he was _Tony Stark._ That had nothing to do with it. I took him because… Well, HYRDA saw a lot of potential in knowing he was my soulmate. I’m more surprised than anything that they never used it against him. I guess they were just waiting for the right time. Point is, they made damn sure I knew who my soulmate was. That’s why I took him. I _recognized_ him. And it’d been _so long_ since I’d had something that was _mine._ ”

Tony was trembling all over. He knew he was, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn off the feed. The sound of Barnes’ voice back in that empty building rang through his ears.

“That’s understandable, Bucky. You were lost. You just wanted something to hold onto. And your soulmate! Who doesn’t want to find their soulmate?”

Barnes shot to his feet like a cork out of a bottle and Tony flinched back, even from all the way in his lab.

“Stop trying to find an excuse!” Barnes thundered. “Why are you so _blind_ to what happened?”

Steve made a wounded sort of noise.

“Buck… I’m not saying it wasn’t bad. I was there when we found him. Tony... I’ve never seen him like that, so shaken up and out of it. It was scary, I’ll admit. But it also could have been worse, way worse. The kind of training HYDRA gave you, what they did to you… It would have been easy for you to kill him, wouldn’t it? But you didn’t. Hell, his injuries were minimal at best! A few bumps and bruises, mostly, a few scrapes. There was some sort of sprain to his wrist but, I mean, when you think about what you _could_ have done… I’ve had worse than that in almost every alley in Brooklyn.”

Steve tried for a laugh but fell short in the face of Barnes’s horrified expression.

“So that’s it then? Because I didn’t _kill him_ , it’s fine? Because it could have been _worse_ , it’s fine? He should just forget it ever happened? Like-like Alice Walker?”

Steve jerked back as if he’d been struck.

“You remember Alice?”

Bucky’s shrug was half-hearted at best.

“Some?” he questioned. “Enough, at the very least. I remember the whispers about her around the neighborhood. I remember how she used to be the life of the party, but then she’d never go nowhere without one of her brothers with her. I remember Ma talking to Becca and-and my other two sisters, tellin’ them never to let a man get them alone ‘less they was good and married. Everybody knew it was her fella who done it, seeing as he was off to the next girl with hardly a parting word. Didn’t seem too broken up over the whole bit.”

“That’s amazing, Buck! You’re remembering!”

“Half-memories, mostly. I told you, back at that apartment where you found me. Look, I ain’t gonna be like that guy, okay? I’m not gonna make him go through that.”

Idly, Tony wondered if Barnes was having as much trouble with his name as he had with Barnes’. The assassin hadn’t used it once.

“This isn’t like that,” Steve was already protesting on-screen. “What happened to Alice was awful, but Reggie wasn’t her soulmate. She shouldn’t have even been stepping out with him in the first place.”

“What? So, it’s her fault then?”

“No, of course not. That’s not what I’m saying! This thing with you and Tony, it’s different, that’s all. I remember when we first found out you were alive, Buck. I didn’t get a chance to tell Tony until after, but… He’d lived his entire life thinking that his soulmate was already dead, that he was never going to meet them. Or that maybe it was a different person who’d been named after you but he could never _find_ anyone like that. He was so _relieved_.”

Barnes winced and turned away.

“Yeah, well, maybe he shouldn’t have been, with the way things turned out.”

“Bucky, don’t say that. He’s your soulmate.”

Barnes’s laugh was bitter.

“Yeah, and some shit luck he must have, huh? I mean, it couldn’t get much worse than me!”

“Bucky-“

“I _raped_ him, Steve! I held him down and I raped him! How messed up do I have to be to have done that? No, this… This cell is where I belong. I deserve to rot in here.”

Steve’s distress was clear, but Tony was trying to focus more on his breathing and not having a panic attack than he was on the super soldier.

“No, you don’t. We’ll get you out and you and Tony can talk and all this mess will get sorted out, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on Bucky? I just really love hearing your impressions.


	8. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Tony's eavesdropping and some bonding time with Natasha.

Panic attacks were the worst, in Tony’s personal opinion. They went from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye and left him unsure if he was going to pass out or just die. His chest always felt too tight, like the scar tissue leftover from the arc reactor was expanding and pushing everything else out. His lungs screamed for air and his heart raced painfully. He could feel ghost-touches all over his skin as the darkness crept further and further across his vision. He choked on air as he slid ungracefully out of the chair to cower under his desk.

“F-FRI-“ he stuttered out before trailing off into a keening sort of noise.

She may have responded. He couldn’t be sure. Bile rose in his throat, burning him and making him gag. God, he hoped he didn’t throw up on himself.

“Tony? Tony, I’m here. It’s Natasha. You’re alright. You’re in your lab, in the tower, in New York. The team is here, but it’s just you and me in the room. You are _safe._ No one will be able to hurt you here.”

He registered her voice first, just a low murmur he couldn’t quite make out. She kept speaking, though, and eventually he was able to focus his gaze on her where she crouched just a few feet away.

“N-Nat,” he greeted, shooting for casual.

“Hey there, Tony,” she greeted right back. “I was just coming down to see you when FRIDAY said you’d gotten a bit excited. I wanted to check in, see how you were doing.”

The smile he forced onto his face wobbled dangerously.

“Peachy-keen, Itsy Bitsy.”

She offered him a hand up and steadied him when his legs threatened to give out under him, but she didn’t comment on the obvious lie. Instead she guided him toward the couch, which was still a mess of pillows and the old blanket from his college days. She wrapped the blanket around his shoulders as soon as she’d gotten him sitting.

“You were watching the security footage?” she asked gently.

The halo-screens were gone by now, but Tony assumed FRIDAY had told her. Maybe she’d just guessed. That also seemed like her.

“I wanted to know he was still there,” Tony admitted, feeling sheepish and still more than just a bit off-kilter. “I wanted to know he hadn’t gotten out.”

Nat hummed and nodded, at the very least not appearing to judge him. Instead, she just settled in beside him on the couch and leaned her head against his shoulder. It felt good to be wedged between her and the arm of the couch, protected on both sides. BUTTERFINGERS rolled up with a subdued whirring sound of concern, a mug of coffee clutched in his claw. Tony took it gratefully.

“Steve is down there with him,” she observed, not making it a question but asking for answers nonetheless.

Tony nodded jerkily. Natasha cursed quietly in Russian.

“He’s an idiot,” she said, not unkindly. “What did he say?”

Tony shrugged one shoulder, staring down into the mug in his hands. It probably had motor oil in it or something. He shouldn’t drink it.

“He said a lot of things,” he admitted, before drawing himself back up and squaring his shoulders. “It’s fine, Nat. It’s nothing.”

One carefully plucked eyebrow rose.

“And you expect me to believe that?”

“I _expect_ ,” Tony bit out, feeling suddenly and irrationally angry, “for you and the rest of the team to stop tiptoeing around me like I’m a bomb about to go off at any fucking second. I can _handle_ this, okay? I’m _fine._ ”

Which might have been a much better argument if their conversation hadn’t started with Natasha coaxing him out from under his own desk. The assassin beside him shifted back so she could get a better look at him, his side feeling cold from her absence.

“You know none of this makes you any less, right? None of us think that.”

Tony snorted bitterly, forcing himself to his feet and away from the safety of the couch. He didn’t know where all this anger had come from, but he couldn’t seem to stop it.

“Oh, yeah? Is that why Sam can’t look me in the eye? Why Rhodey’s afraid to touch me? Why Pepper hasn’t even shown up? Clint’s being _nice_ to me, for God’s sake!”

And, dammit, he could feel the tears filling his eyes and tried to blink them away. If he hadn’t cried during open-heart surgery in a cave, he sure as Hell wasn’t going to cry now. Natasha stayed seated, just watching him. She was probably trying to pull some psychological crap, making herself appear less threatening or something.

“It doesn’t say much about us as our team, as your _friends_ , that you think us being nice to you means we pity you.”

“Oh, please, Nat,” he snapped. “Don’t even.”

“Don’t even _what,_ Tony? We’re worried about you.” She sighed. “Look, outside of Clint, none of the others have dealt with something like this before, not even Sam. It wasn’t his area of expertise. Even if he ran across it, it wasn’t so recent, so fresh. It’s put them off-kilter. They don’t know how to handle it and they’re scared to death of hurting you because they _care._ ”

“And you?”

“I care about you, too.”

“No, does it put you off-kilter? It doesn’t seem to.”

The smile she gave him was tight-lipped.

“We both know this isn’t my first time dealing with this kind of thing, but we’re very different, you and I. I know what _I_ wanted. I don’t know what you want.”

Her tone had softened, gentled, and it made Tony want to yank his own hair out.

“This is nothing like that,” he snapped.

“Why?” she shot right back. “Because it didn’t stop with just _one_ for me?”

“Because none of the men who raped you back then were your _soulmate!_ ” His voice cracked on the word, but he still managed to hold the tears back. He gripped his forearm where Barnes’ name sat like his very life depended on it. “What does that even mean? That the person who’s supposed to be perfect for me would do something like that… What am I supposed to do with that?”

Now she did rise from the couch, stepping closer until she could cover his hand with her own. She waited until he looked her in the eye before giving his hand a little squeeze.

“You do whatever you want with it,” she told him seriously. “You don’t give a damn what anyone else has to say about it. The team and I will be here for you.”

Tony studied her for a long moment.

“And if I decide that what I want is to put on a suit and go trash Barnes? To put him down like a dog? To make sure he can _never_ do something like that to me again?”

“Is it what you want?”

Tony thought about the way Barnes’s shoulders had been hunched when he’d exited that quinjet, how he’d told Steve he belonged in a cell. He thought about what it would be like to have Barnes at his mercy. If he really wanted to, it would be easy to kill him. The thought made Tony feel ill.

“No,” he admitted, and it felt like something eased in his chest. “He’ll face a judge and a jury just like anyone else. This is what the Accords were meant for. I’m not going to abandon them after all this. We need to show the world that they _work._ ”

Natasha gave him an approving nod.

“That’s what I thought. You’re a good man, Tony, better than I am.”

He gave her a questioning look and she just gave him a pleasant smile in return. A shiver ran down his spine at the pure feeling of _danger_ the came from her.

“I hunted each and every one of them down,” she told him, “the ones I didn’t kill right away. It took me years, but I did it. Clint helped me find them.”

“So, if I’d decided I did want to kill Barnes…”

“Clint would have distracted the others, and I would have stood at your back while you did it. I _told_ you, Tony,” she said, leaning in, “he won’t get away with what he did. You just had to decide who was going to do the punishing.”

Tony couldn’t detect anything but utter seriousness from her, not that he would have if she didn’t want him to.

“You’re wrong, you know,” he told her. “You are good.”

And then he let himself lean forward and wrap her up in a hug, clinging to her a bit desperately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, we are almost all caught up with what I've written for this fic. Guess it's about time to add it into the writing rotation on a more regular basis. Also, next week is Stark Week so keep an eye out for new one-shots every day starting next Sunday!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat is a good bro, but Steve most certainly is not...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not Steve friendly, but was absolutely necessary because of the prompt that started this whole fic. 
> 
> *drops chapter and walks away*
> 
> I have no regrets.

Natasha was still hanging around the lab when Steve showed up. Tony’d managed to get back to work and was actually making progress on finding the issue with some coding R&D had sent up. FRIDAY had warned them of Steve’s approach as soon as he made the request on the elevator, and so he arrived to Natasha leaning against Tony’s desk, her hip just brushing the genius’s shoulder. Tony had turned his chair around so he could see the door, but didn’t stand.

“Hey, Steve,” he greeted.

There wasn’t much point in saying more. They all knew why Steve was here.

“How are you doing?” the blond asked, sounding concerned.

His gaze lingered on the different bruises that still littered Tony’s body, the shallow scratches on his face, the sores on his forearm from where he’d tried to scrub Barnes’ name off of his skin. The genius shifted uncomfortably. He was sort of surprised Steve had even bothered to ask, but then Steve was always the better person.

“Getting back to work,” he hedged.

Steve beamed at him.

“That’s good! I know that always helps you feel better.”

Which wasn’t at all what Steve normally said about Tony working when he was hurt or sick, but then he guessed he wasn’t actually all that injured this time. It wasn’t like a few scrapes and bruises were going to cause him any great strain. No doctor would say he physically shouldn’t sit at a computer and play with designs.

“Yeah…” he trailed off, not really sure what to say. Which was ridiculous because he was _Tony Stark_ and he always knew what to say.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to come check in on you earlier,” Steve continued, after a beat of uncomfortable silence. “I wanted to make sure Bucky got settled in, he’s still pretty shaken up, and I had to call in and see what was happening with Zemo. Deputy Ross wasn’t very helpful so it took a bit longer than I anticipated. I still don’t have any real answers.”

He gave a self-deprecating grin like he’d grabbed the wrong mug out of the cabinet and was apologizing for taking Tony’s. It was unsettling, and Tony felt a rush of gratitude for the warmth of Natasha’s hip pressed up against him. He never thought he’d find a hip so comforting.

“There are certain channels with the UN we’ll have to go through,” he started to explain. “They’re not like SHIELD. We’ll have to get the paperwork in order and send it off, make the requests. I have a team of lawyers set aside-“

“It’s fine, Tony,” Steve cut him off. “You don’t need to worry about it. I’ve got it handled. You just need to concentrate on things here.”

If he hadn’t been touching her, Tony would have never noticed the way Natasha stiffened.

“And why is that, Steve?” she asked carefully.

“I called Sharon,” he waved them off. “It’s being taken care of.”

Tony’s heart clenched.

“Sharon?”

“Yeah, Sharon Carter. She’s, _was_ , Peggy’s niece.  Do you know her? Did you run into her at SHIELD at some point?”

No, Tony most certainly had not. His relationship with Sharon far predated her employment at SHIELD. He was actually kind of surprised SHIELD hadn’t sent her instead of Coulson to debrief him after Afghanistan. Maybe if they had, he would have cooperated. Maybe. What was she doing taking calls from Cap? He needed to talk to her.

“Right,” he said hesitantly. This entire conversation was setting him off-balance. “Let’s just get to the point of why you’re here, Steve. I can’t deal with all this dancing around it.”

Steve actually looked confused.

“I came to check on you, Tony.”

“But that’s not all, is it? You came to ask about Barnes, too, about letting him go.”

The confusion morphed into a frown a disapproval, though, for once, it didn’t seem to be disapproval aimed at Tony.

“He shouldn’t be locked up like some common criminal,” he launched straight into it. “Bucky… He’s just been through so much already. The last thing he needs right now is to be in a cell on top of it all.”

“Funny,” Tony quipped, trying to ignore the burning in his gut, “according to the justice system, committing a crime actually does make you a criminal.”

Now the disapproval _was_ directed at him. Natasha shifted just a tiny bit, adjusting her weight.

“It wasn’t his fault. HYDRA brainwashed him. Bucky shouldn’t be held accountable for _their_ crimes.”

“Maybe so, but that’s not for us to decide,” Tony argued right back. “A court will have to figure out what, if any, blame lies on his shoulders. There’s a lot of evidence to back up the brainwashing, and there are already precedents in place where prisoners of war are concerned. Those will be taken into account. And he’ll have to be tried for his other crimes as well.”

Steve reared back as if Tony had struck him. He looked aghast for all of a second before pulling himself back together.

“Oh, come on, Tony, you can’t honestly be talking about him taking you. He was confused, and Zemo had messed with his head. He was taken by surprise meeting his soulmate like that. He was just- just looking for comfort in something familiar, something that was his.”

A whispery echo of, “Mine,” breezed through Tony’s mind and he saw red. He was out of his chair in a heartbeat, hands clenched at his sides.

“I am _not his,_ ” he practically growled through clenched teeth.

Every inch of his body screamed with the denial. He did not belong to Barnes. He _would not_. Steve just rolled his eyes in the face of Tony’s rage, like the genius was no more than a child throwing a temper tantrum.

“You’re his soulmate, Tony. Of course you are. Look, I know I didn’t react well to his name on you, at first, when we all thought it was just a coincidence, but now we know it’s really him. I mean, you did so much to try and help find him, after that whole thing with Pierce. You _wanted_ to find him, to meet him. Don’t throw all that away.”

Tony wished he _could_ hit him, that striking Steve across the face wouldn’t break his hand. He was tempted to do it anyway.

“Steve,” Natasha warned, but Tony bowled right over her.

“What can I say?” he spat. “Our first meeting wasn’t quite up to my romantic standards. Maybe our second date can include him water boarding me, that’ll bring back a lot of great memories.”

Steve was clearly struggling to keep his irritation down to a level that still qualified as exasperation.

“You’re being overly dramatic,” he chastised.

“Am I, Steve? If I am, I feel like I’ve earned that right, with everything that’s happened. I know kidnappings should be a bit ‘old hat’ for me by now, but I have to admit I’m not overly fond.”

Natasha had shifted forward, moving to put herself physically between them, and it bolstered the genius. Her presence and his anger were giving him a strength he hadn’t been sure he’d ever feel again.

“Look,” Steve attempted to placate, and Tony thought he already sounded condescending in that special way that was uniquely his, “I know you’re still shaken up over what happened, anyone would be, but Bucky is your soulmate, Tony. You can’t just abandon him like this. He deserves better than that.”

Tony bristled. He actually felt like his teeth were sharpening and his nails were curling into claws. How dare he? _How dare he?_

“I don’t give a _damn_ what you think that son of a bitch deserves. As far as I’m concerned, he’s right where he belongs. He can rot in that cell, for all I care.”

Just like Barnes wanted.

“You don’t really mean that-“

“The hell I don’t! I mean every word of it. Just because it’s not what you want to hear doesn’t make it any less true, Cap.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“And you’re blind if you can’t see how messed up what you’re saying is.”

“He’s your _soulmate_ , To-“

” _Stop saying that!_ ” the genius shouted, unable to take it anymore.

He felt sick, felt physically ill, hearing those words fall repeatedly from Steve’s lips. His own words came back to haunt him. He didn’t want it to be true, but that wouldn’t change the name on his forearm, or the name on Barnes’ hip.

“You need to back off, Steve,” Natasha said, face set in a deathly serious expression as she stepped toward the soldier.

“No! He needs to stop acting like this! It wasn’t Bucky’s fault!”

“ ** _He raped me,_** ” Tony shouted, and it was like the words sucked all the air out of the room. It was the first time he’d said them aloud and it made it all just seem that much more real. “He raped me,” he repeated, in a quieter tone. “I can’t just…”

He couldn’t find the words to continue, feeling like all the strength he’d had just moments before had been sapped away. Steve, though, looked like he was just as ready to go to war as ever. He huffed and scowled harder before saying something that made Tony’s brain shut down completely.

“Oh, Tony…” he chastised. “It’s not rape if it’s your soulmate.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is handled, Sharon is called, and Rhodey gets frustrated... Tony is just trying to cope with it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you all have been looking forward to seeing the confrontation with Steve for this chapter, but I'm afraid it takes place largely off-screen. I'm considering writing some campanion pieces that will cover pov's other than Tony's for scenes like this one, but I'm a bit hesitant to commit because of time. Still. Possibilities. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the update... if 'enjoy' is really the right word for this fic.

It was Natasha who forced Steve out of the lab, but Tony barely even registered it. It was like his mind had checked out completely, leaving him in a stunned, trance-like state. He vaguely noticed when Rhodey showed up, guiding him back toward the couch. Tony went with him easily. He couldn’t think of a reason not to, couldn’t think of much of anything really.

Steve’s words rang in his ears, blocking out everything else.

Tony didn’t understand. He really just _didn’t_ _understand_ how someone could think that, could say that. Was that how Steve really felt? Of course it was, or he else wouldn’t have said it. Steve never said anything he didn’t mean. Tony just… _he didn’t understand_.

It wasn’t a topic they’d ever really talked about before, which wasn’t all that surprising, he supposed. They’d talked about a lot of things, though. Once upon a time, before Ultron, he and Steve had been something that could almost be considered friends. After SHIELD had fallen and they’d found out Bucky was alive, realized the name on Tony’s arm was meant for the original James Buchanan Barnes, they’d bonded, sort of. Steve had told Tony story after story about his time growing up in Brooklyn and with the Howling Commandos. It’d all been sprinkled throughout their search for Bucky, but still. There’d been something there.

Ultron had added a certain frostiness to their relationship, but it hadn’t destroyed things between them. They still worked together trying to find Bucky and Tony had designed all sorts of equipment and training for the team. He didn’t live with the team, but he was at the compound at least once a week if he wasn’t out of the country on business. He talked to Steve on the phone about every other day, if not more.

Steve was a good man, one of the best Tony had ever known. He was loyal and did what he thought was right, no matter what. He was stubborn enough to make you want to strangle him, but never hesitated to jump in the line of fire or stand up for the little guy. Tony had literally caught him helping an old woman across the street one time. And it wasn’t like Steve carried around a bunch of the outdated sensibilities of a man from the 1940’s. He never had any qualms with Sam over the color of his skin and, if anything, sparred even harder with Natasha than with the men on the team. He treated Wanda with a bit more care, but they all knew that was because he thought of her as a kid.

Steve was a defender of justice, if ever there was someone deserving of such a pretentious and ridiculous title. That he would come out with something like this just didn’t make any sense.

Tony knew what Rhodey had said, about Steve’s statement back at the UN. And he knew, even understood, that Steve would defend Bucky until the day he died. But to say that what Tony had been through wasn’t rape? Just because Bucky was his soulmate?

Steve was wrong. As shaken up as he was, as confused and, admittedly, afraid, Tony knew what had happened to him. He struggled with it, but that didn’t change it. He’d been raped. End of story. Barnes being his soulmate didn’t change that. It didn’t make the trauma go away or magically disappear. Tony couldn’t just forget about it, no matter what Steve may or may not think.

“He’s wrong,” he found himself saying aloud, as if to affirm his inner thoughts.

“You’re damn right he is,” Rhodey bit out, and Tony realized for the first time how _angry_ he looked. “He should have never come up here. Hell, he shouldn’t even have _been_ here. How the Hell does he think he’s going to come into _your_ house and talk shit? Captain America, my ass! He’s lucky Romanov’s dealing with him.”

The military man didn’t need much input from Tony after that. He was off on his rant. The noise of it filtered into the background, Tony only vaguely aware of the words’ meanings. He hummed and nodded along, but couldn’t have repeated any of it, if asked.

He felt oddly numb.

God, he was tired.

“Rhodey,” he said, cutting the man off mid-sentence and hardly even noticing, “I have work I need to get done.”

His oldest friend cast him a worried look, but he was far and well aware of Tony’s tendencies. He didn’t try to stop the genius when he stood from the couch, the blanket falling from around his shoulders and when had that even gotten there? Had Rhodey wrapped it around him? Didn’t matter. Rhodey hovered as he made his way back to his desk.

“What do you plan on working on?”

As if Tony actually had a _plan_. He realized as he sat down in his chair, though, that there _was_ something he needed to do.

“I need to talk to Sharon.”

Because, apparently, she had some deal going on with Steve and Tony didn’t even know what _that_ was about. Since when did they even know each other? He proceeded to ignore Rhodey’s existence as FRIDAY put the call through, good girl knowing exactly what he wanted. Rhodey had the good sense enough to back off and just let Tony do what he wanted.

“Tony!” Sharron picked up on the third ring, sounding relieved. “How are you? By the time I got to the UN facility you were gone and I’ve been worried sick! Are you at the tower? That’s the popular theory but no one around here is really sure.”

“Rogers didn’t tell you? I thought you two had been in contact.”

“It looks like there’s some shady business going on,” the woman on the other end of the phone admitted, her voice lowering. “Steve contacted me to look into things but we didn’t get to talk much. I thought maybe you were calling to check on my progress?”

Tony vividly remembered the first time he’d met Sharon, as a young boy at Aunt Peggy’s house. They’d disliked each other instantly, only bonding once they discovered their mutual love of all things Captain America. Sharon had action figures she was allowed to _play_ with. Tony couldn’t believe how cool she was, even if she was younger than him.

“How did he even know to get in touch with you?”

“We’ve kept in touch ever since Project Insight. I’d been assigned to keep an eye on him as his neighbor before that, but, yeah. What’s going on, Tony?”

The genius buried his face in his hands. He felt so _overwhelmed_. How was he supposed to deal with all of this? A hand gripped his shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly.

“Hey, Sharon. It’s Rhodes. I think Tony needs a minute so I’m gonna take over for a bit.”

“That is not helping my worry. Please tell me what’s going on?”

“Long story short, Cap’s not all he’s cracked up to be,” Rhodey told her. “Whatever he’s asked you to do, drop it. Better yet, you should probably cut off whatever contact it is you two have. It’s only going to get you in trouble.”

There was a brief pause. Sharon wasn’t stupid.

“What has he done?”

Rhodey scowled fiercely into the middle distance.

“Well, he’s very loyal,” he bit out. “The comics got that right. Of course, he’s very _selective_ in his loyalty.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He just came into the lab and verbally attacked Tony. I haven’t exactly had the chance to get the details but Natasha Romanov removed him _by force_ so make of that what you will.”

“He _what?_ ”

“It-it’s really not that bad,” Tony tried to protest automatically, only to catch himself. “Actually, no. No. It _was_ that bad. He said,” deep breathes, anything to slow the pounding of his heart. His eyes slipped closed, “He said that it wasn’t rape, since Barnes is my soulmate. Like it didn’t even matter.”

The silence the followed prompted him to open his eyes again. Rhodey was trembling, lips pressed into a thin line. Fury-filled eyes were aimed at the doors of the lab and Tony knew, he _knew_ , that Rhodey wanted to run out of there, to go after Steve and make him _hurt_. But Tony needed him, and that kept him from moving. Tony wasn’t sure if he appreciated that more that he would appreciate seeing Steve get punched in the face.

“I’m on my way,” Sharon’s tone brokered no argument. “Colonel, I trust you can have that asshole removed from the building before I arrive?”

Rhodey’s answering grin could have given Loki a run for his money.

“It would be my pleasure.”

“What? No. _No_ ,” Tony protested. “Sharon, you have work! You can’t just up and leave! And nobody is kicking _anybody_ out. The last thing we need right now is to show anything but a united front. The Accords-“

“Who gives a damn about the Accords right now, Tones?” Tony couldn’t help flinching at his tone, and it spoke to the strength of Rhodey’s emotions that he was too caught up to stop. “They aren’t worth you keeping someone like _that_ under your roof! You’ve already got Barnes here! Let someone else deal with the Accords, Tony, _please._ For once in your life, be reasonable!”

Which wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair _at all_. Why was it that every time Tony tried to do something good and it got hard, suddenly _he_ was the one being unreasonable? Then again, Tony had stopped thinking life might be fair a long time ago. That wasn’t in the cards for him.

“I have not come _this_ _far_ to give up on the Accords now,” he defended. “We _need_ the Accords and if we show any sign of weakness then Ross and every other person out there who is _scared_ and _hurting_ will eat us alive. We will end up _controlled_ instead of having a say in our own lives. The world isn’t going to stop just because Steve Rogers _hurt my feelings_.”

“The world isn’t, but you _can_ ,” Rhodey pressed onward. “T’Challa can handle to Accords.”

“T’Challa may be a monarch and, apparently, also now an enhanced, but he’d not exactly experienced with politics. Brilliant? Yes. But even he won’t be able to stand up against all of the politicians who will be gunning for us over this.”

“God _dammit,_ Tony! Why do you always have to take responsibility for _everything_? You shouldn’t have to deal with this. You shouldn’t have to worry about _any_ of this.”

Tony gave him a sad smile.

“You know I’ve never dealt in ‘should’s, honey bear.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets back to work and there's lots to do.

Tony didn’t know what ended up happening with Steve. FRIDAY informed him that Natasha had escorted the other man to his old suite, but nothing past that. To be perfectly honest, Tony didn’t want to know anything past that. It might have taken him a little while to get back into gear, to get his head on straight again, but that didn’t change the fact that there really was work to be done. Talking to Sharon had reminded him of that and, as much as Rhodey might not like that Tony’s time wasn’t his own, his best friend eventually contented himself with setting up at another workstation where he could still keep an eye on Tony.  
“Mr. Stark. I wondered when I’d be hearing from you.”  
“Deputy Task Force Commander Ross,” Tony greeted, he even managed to scrounge up a smile for the man at the other end of the video call. “I hope you didn’t miss me too much.”  
Everett Ross was not amused.  
“Your actions aren’t doing anything positive for your image, I hope you know. While I appreciate you deigning to deliver one prisoner to our facilities, I’m going to have to insist you deliver Barnes back here as well. I can give you and your team some leeway for… traumatic events, but the entire point of the Accords is that you’re no more above the law than the rest of us.”  
Straight to the point as always. Tony appreciated that about Everett. It went a long way in cutting out at least some of the bullshit of these political games.  
“I couldn’t agree with you more and, trust me, I am as keen on everyone seeing the justice they’ve earned as you are. That being said, there are other factors to consider. Have you interrogated Zemo yet?”  
The corners of Everett’s mouth pinched, making him look even more stern than he usually did.  
“We have. He’s been very willing to provide us with whatever information we ask for. His trial won’t be a very long one. While his testimony does take the bombing off of the Winter Soldier’s list of crimes, there’s much more Barnes has to answer for.”  
Tony resolutely ignored the way Rhodey jerked at the edge of his vision, face a mask of anger. Instead he sent Everett his own steady glare.  
“Do not,” he warned, voice hard. “If there is anyone who knows the crimes Barnes still has to answer for, it’s me.”  
Everett, to his credit, didn’t quell.  
“I would think so,” he said instead, “which is part of why it’s so odd that your team seems to have whisked him off and refuse to turn over custody.”  
Tony bared his teeth at the other man, all semblance of friendliness gone.  
“Something I was calling to rectify,” he bit out. Damn, he was usually so much better than this at keeping his emotions in check. “Barnes was brought to the tower because it’s the only place with the security in place to contain him. I’m sure you remember how quickly he was able to tear through your security,” he sneered. “I’m not exactly excited to see a repeat. Here, he’s guarded by maximum security containment built for the Hulk, with additional guard by the Avengers and members of King T’Challa’s personal guard.”  
“Which is not the same as him being in our custody. I understand you may feel trepidation in light of-“  
“Trepidation does not begin to cover how I feel.”  
Everett scowled at him.  
“I am trying very hard to remember that I actually want to help you, Mr. Stark. It would go a long way if you’d at least try not to make it so difficult.”  
It was a struggle not to snap at him all over again. At least half of Tony’s anger was directed at himself. He might be the ‘loose cannon’ guy on the team, but he’d been playing these games for decades. He’d learned how to keep himself under control in a negotiation by the time he was ten. He hated that this was just more proof of how Barnes had gotten to him. He didn’t want Barnes to have had such an effect on him.  
Deep breaths.  
In.  
Out.  
In.  
Out.  
“Barnes stays here,” he said, “but the Avengers and I will do whatever is necessary to cooperate with the UN and the Accords. If you would like to send interrogators or your own guards, I’ll foot the bill for their transport and host them here in the tower. Barnes stays, though. Those are my terms.”  
Everett watched him for a long moment.  
“The Accords are not getting off to a very auspicious start,” he said with a sigh.  
Tony grimaced.  
“It definitely hasn’t been anywhere close to how I’d hoped it would go.”  
Everett nodded along.  
“I will prepare a contingent to come and assess Barnes’s conditions,” he said. “If things are up to muster then we’ll go from there. Your safety concerns are more valid than I’d like them to be. I do agree that your facilities are likely safer at this time. Until our facilities can be updated to better hold prisoners of his caliber, I am open to the possibility of him staying in the Avengers’ custody.” His gaze sharpened, “This is no guarantee, I hope you understand.”  
“Of course not,” Tony agreed grimly, “but it’s still appreciated. Thank you.”  
“Don’t thank me yet,” Everett warned. “I’m well aware of your hopes for the future of the Accords. This won’t make them any easier for you to achieve. There are those who will use it against you.”  
“A certain General Ross, you mean?”  
“Among others.”  
Well, it wasn’t like Tony hadn’t expected that. He gave a single, jerky nod.  
“Still,” he insisted. “I won’t forget this.”  
Everett was silent for another long moment. His gaze lingered on the long scratches the grit of the cement floor had left on Tony’s face.  
“How are your injuries healing?”  
His tone was gentled a bit, ever-so-slightly less formal. Tony glanced to the side so he didn’t have to see the glimpses of carefully-hidden pity and sympathy.  
“The damage was minimal,” he told Everett in clipped tones. “It could have been much worse.”  
There was a pause that said he wasn’t slipping anything past the other man.  
“I’m glad to hear it,” Everett finally said, clearly deciding not to push. They didn’t exactly have that kind of rapport, even if Tony felt more positively toward him than most of the politicians he was forced to deal with. “Take care of yourself, Mr. Stark.”  
Tony didn’t know what to do with the sincerity in his voice.  
“Let me know when you have that contingent ready and I’ll arrange for transport,” he said instead of acknowledging the statement.  
“Of course. Goodbye, Mr. Stark.”  
“Deputy Ross.”  
FRIDAY ended the call without him having to tell her to and he collapsed back into a slump. Rhodey was next to him moments later, a warm hand on his shoulder.  
“That could have gone worse,” Rhodey said, forced cheer in his voice.  
“Everett’s a good man,” Tony grunted. “We’re lucky he has as much power in this situation as he does. If we don’t play by the rules, we won’t get so lucky next time.”  
Rhodey’s hand retreated, and Tony found himself missing the warmth of it. Rhodey’d been keeping a very careful distance between them, though. He’d probably only put his hand on Tony’s shoulder in the first place because he forgot himself. He just didn’t know how to handle this situation. Tony got that. He totally got that. He didn’t know how to handle this situation either.  
“Are you going to be okay with more people coming into the tower?” Rhodey inquired hesitantly.  
“I’m going to have to be, aren’t I?” he said tiredly, showing a vulnerability in front of Rhodey that he would dare to show to few others. “It’ll be worth it in the end.”  
Rhodey eyed him with naked worry.  
“What can I do for you?”  
Tony dragged a hand over his face. There was so much to consider, so much to be handled. He hauled himself to his feet.  
“You can keep me company while I have another chat with King T’challa,” he decided. “We need to make sure we’re on the same page with things moving forward. FRI, is Nat still with Steve? Would she be free to join us?”  
“Sorry, Boss,” FRIDAY piped up as they headed for the elevator. Tony sniffed himself. He needed a shower, too, actually. “It doesn’t look like Agent Romanov is planning to leave the Captain’s suite anytime soon. Would you like me to pass her a message?”  
Tony thought about it for a second before disregarding the idea. They didn’t need to go giving Steve the wrong impression.  
“Don’t worry about it. Just let me know when she does leave, alright? We need a game plan, the sooner the better.”  
Tony would handle this, just like he handled everything else that came his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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